i have come to a conclusion!
that chopin writes really really really nice music but then all the endings are WEIRD
(or maybe it's just me ><")
somehow i find ALL his endings rather anti-climatic ><"
(or maybe it's because i've been exposed to a very limited repertoire of his works. oh oh and possibly cause i've played too many baroque/classical pieces and thus i'm always used to the schematic of build up, build up, build up -- BANG! -- type of dramatic endings. or less dramatically, at least a good old V-I cadence xD)

and it's sad, cause i need a BETTER piano! yup, that's right. blame it on the piano, and not the pianist ><"
but seriously, bass notes just DON'T WORK on an upright. the strings aren't long enough to resonate properly and what i get is this blur of mush T_T totally ruins the mood for a good old chopin etude T_T
and it's really irritating when in the middle of a nice chopin nocturne you have the pedal going "squeak squeak squeak"
oh well, look on the bright side, at least i HAVE a piano! ^^ and it's yamaha! and yamaha is great for classical/baroque works. YAY! i do admit, a sonata on a yamaha sounds WAY better than when it's played on a kawai. it's just that fraction cleaner and brighter which makes all the difference.

i want to rant about chopin etudes! actually, not rant, RAMBLE! I LOVE CHOPIN ETUDES! THEY ARE SO NICE! yay. ok i should stop, before i display my very embarrassing lack of vocab T_T
and dohnanyi sucks T_T write such difficult finger exercises! i have a theory. yup i do! that dohnanyi is this evil manipulator of people who doesn't want any other pianist to be better than him so he goes and compiles this book of finger exercises which supposedly will bestow brilliant technique to the pianists who go practice them, but actually it decapitates the pianist and severely injures the poor fingers of said pianist T_T (or maybe, it's just me, as usual. ><")

church was really interesting today!
youth grp leader walked in, carrying this armful (and yes, i literally mean armful) of what appeared to be.. laminated cards? and walk in, and "whoosh" scatter them all over the floor of the room. and we were all like "woah.. did you make all those?!!!!" hahahahaha ok i shan't keep up the suspense for too long. they were erm.. pictures! yay, laminated full colour pictures, A4 sized (waste of resources!)
but nvm, turns out she DIDN'T make them. it was another of our church's youth group's surprising stash of "learning" resources.

oh and before i go any further, there were at least 100 pictures. some of them rather random, like a picture taken from under this colourful transparent umbrella, and hmm.. extreme close up of a hand picking up an unproportionately tiny piece of lego. and there were A LOT of pictures of babies (so cute!) oh the photos/pictures were of really high quality and were very aesthetically appealing (hah, i love that phrase) and were beautiful "compositions" in themselves. the type that you would frame up and hang on the wall of your house, and if you don't do that, well, the type you'd probably find in a decent hotel room xD

and we were all supposed to pick a picture! (mad scramble for all the cute baby pictures) but before we got far, we were told that we had to pick a picture which somehow showed our current position with God. ahhh now that's harder.
anyway there were a lot of very interesting picks. i shan't bore you with what the other ppl picked, but i DO want to write (or rather type) down here what i picked, so that say.. half a year later i can revisit this and reflect.
hopefully i'm not assuming too much; but i picked this BABY PHOTO! (yay. so predictable, as SOME ppl might say ><") ok not really a baby, a toddler. the toddler is standing in the photo, and basically dominating the whole image, and has a really smug (can toddlers even look smug? thinking of jasmine, definitely) look on it's face, and i can almost imagine he would be thinking "Look how pro I am! I'm walking!" but then, he's holding on to this hand (very big and comforting kind of hand) which is cut off from the pic.
sorry if i'm not very good at describing pics ><" I WISH I HAD BROUGHT MY PHONE SO I COULD'VE TAKEN A PIC OF THE PIC. (hmm pic of pic, sounds funny)

anyway, i chose that picture because currently i feel that i've come a long way as a christian, from shying away from any responsibilities and not really understanding God's word and his message to me (ie a baby growing up. crawling and everything) to a much more confident.. (ok maybe not person) CHRISTIAN and well, i know a lot more about God and i love church a lot more and you can even go so far as to say i am remotely passionate about being a christian. but the problem is i've become a LITTLE too.. conceited? i still have a much longer way to go. and face it, God's holding my hand, and that's what's keeping me upright. the moment He lets go (but i have faith, and i hope, that He will never do so) i will fall down again.
yay! i don't think i've been so "profound" in a long long time. at the same time, it also shows that God is a crucial part of my life. He's holding me up, He's the strength behind where i am now (which can refer to a lot of things.. what i had in mind was.. erm. my academic grades ><")

ooh so after sharing and the readings of some bible passages, we get to choose ANOTHER picture! oh yay oh yay oh yay! this time, a picture of where we WANT to be with God. i was seriously considering choosing another baby picture (this time of a tiny baby cradled in a enormous hand) but then i found a better picture ^^
it was this.. dalmation puppy!! (YAY SO CUTE! ok i should stop the commentary in brackets ><") with no spots. pure white, with huge blue eyes looking up from the photo, the image of total respect and adoration and whatever you want to put here. and then in the white background, there's dalmation spots everywhere. does that make sense?
anyway, (and this may be painfully idealistic, please bear with me xD) where i want to be.. is to be able to leave behind all the materialistic parts of me, to be able to remove all the things which are seemingly important to me (ie, the spots. spots are important to the identity of a dalmation!) but are actually very superficial (the spots are only on the surface) and thus, to be able to devote my whole being to the work of God. ya very idealistic, and rather impossible. i was also toying with the idea of the spots being the sins i have left behind, but i like the 1st "interpretation" of the picture better xD
i doubt i'd ever be able to reach that stage (certain things i don't think i'll ever be able to give up. like the computer. ><") but i'm going to keep trying. dropping away the trivial things, such as mindlessly minesweeping away when i'm bored, maple, talking on the phone with friends about random meaningless (although highly amusing and entertaining) stuff. (note: talking on the phone for HOURS) and as a result, i will get more time to spend praying and reading the bible and PLAYING HYMNS ON THE PIANO! yay!

yay, i shall stop blogging. xD
this was a rather long post.. hahaha