piano lesson today, and hmmm...

started off with chopin etude op 10 no 12... (the "revolutionary etude"? xP)
honestly, i personally felt my playing was ok-ish. i mean, i HAVE been practicing the etude a lot and technically it's all under control (or i hope so, but jimmy agreed that technically it was fine, so yup)
played through once, and then jimmy didn't say anything except told me to start from beginning again. and i got through the first few bars before he stopped me and went, "what are you doing here?"
me: ???
jimmy: loud, soft, cres, dim?
me: oh... crescendo!
jimmy: why?
me: (i admit, i was being cheeky) er, because you told me to?
jimmy: hopefully not. seriously, why?
me: i don't know... because it's leading to the next bit?
jimmy: which is?
me: ......
jimmy: *exasperated* see, that's your problem! you're not thinking enough about WHAT you're playing. your technique and everything is great, and you can play all the notes, and you have the dynamics, and the melody and bass notes and everything is brought out, but that's all what you've been directed to do by either the music or what i've told you to do. and so what you're doing isn't musical!
me: T_T...

sigh, honestly, i never thought i'd be one to ever end up committing this mistake ><"
but i guess, it's easy to get caught up in the flurry of notes, what with needing to remember to accent this and that, slur the melody, pay attention to phrasing... that in the end, i've forgotten the most important thing of all, and that is the MUSIC. it's not bits and pieces of this and that, it's one whole, and my playing needs to demonstrate that.

oh, and afterwards we were going through beethoven sonata...
jimmy: you know what ppl always say about beethoven's sonatas?
me: i honestly have no idea T_T
jimmy: i am shocked! SHOCKED!
me: T_T i really don't know!!!
jimmy: they say his sonatas are like symphonies!
me: ???
jimmy: his sonatas for the piano are like symphonies, and a lot of professional musicians even go to the trouble of analysing the pieces and assigning instruments to bits of the music, so that when they play it they can keep in mind the tone colour and timbre of the instrument.
me: wow.
jimmy: yup. and that's what YOU need to do! you need to be able to hold all the different voices in your head, and know exactly what the role of each part is. because what you're doing is playing a condensed version of a symphony, and the audience needs to hear all those different voices and colours.
me: ... but that's so hard!
jimmy: and this is LMus.

i've realised that's the distinction between LMus and grades.
technically, anyone can do it, with enough practice i guess. it's not that hard. in fact, i was almost getting complacent, like "hey, i can actually learn this pretty fast!" ><"
no, LMus is beyond technical excellence and accomplishment (although the mastering of technical work obviously contributes to the resulting musicality)
to get LMus, one needs to show performance flair, stylistic insight and musical command.

and that means taking ownership of one's playing, understanding every single note, giving meaning to the sounds, and creating music.

and i've got a long, long, long way to go.