i find out the right thing to do, will i?
yes.

but i'm exceptionally bored this saturday night.

can't sleep.

i'm looking at one of the tabs in firefox and i know i should just close it, because i'll never use it again, but it's amazing how much certain habits are ingrained within a person. the whole firefox window just looks different without that tab there. T_T the whole colour coordination is screwed. and i keep failing at labelling stuff in gmail. always click too low. but then again, i will adapt. *shrug*

doing work is quite a pain when in this mood, but at least the composition is coming along nicely ^^ sufficiently emo and brooding and vague <3 i still can't get over the hilarity of it all, and the look on wong's face when we told him our concept. he thought we were crazy. probably still thinks we are. good ol' wong (actually, not that old) XD a prostitute as our "hero", he nearly died. i think he thinks we are really, REALLY corrupted, but really, just cause the guys decided to cast wong as their hero... T_T. i say it's unavoidable bias. but then, wong will probably flip when he actually hears their composition with him as "hero". 'nough said, HAHAHAHAHAHA XDDD

sigh.

europe in 6 days! am i excited? i guess so? XD

ISCF dinner on monday, cabaret night on tuesday. singing on tuesday =D love heals from rent (with lil and louie and gang), and blue moon (with jazz ensemble), and when she loved me from toy story, idea of north version (with year 11 music class). hahahahaha quite funny XD the irony.

i still remember during the very first rehearsal, mr wong went: can we PLEASE do it in F# major instead of F major? F is such a bright green! *cringe* F# major is a deeper foresty green...
me: nooooooo, Gb major is a deeper green.
wong: well, do you want to mentally transpose it one note higher and then flatten it, or do you just want to just mentally sharpen every note?
me: ... FINE. but then, Db major is the NICEST green! =D it's dappled and gentle and light with hints of darkness. so THERE *makes face*

i really shouldn't act like that in front of a teacher should i? and anyway, i still think Db is better, because the poor sops are struggling with getting a nice foresty green tone out of that high F# whereas it would've been so much easier if it was a Db XDD but then it probably wouldn't have that piercing quality - it'd be too mellow in Db ><

year 12s final assembly on monday. i've only known them for 9 months, but nevertheless i feel like a huge part of me will be taken away when they're gone. in these 9 months they've been a pillar, an example, an inspiration. people to look up to, people to depend on, people who were friends, while also playing the role of older brothers and sisters. especially the ISCF leaders!! <33

sigh.

time passes so fast, and really, change within this passing of time is really the only constant, on this hunk of rock anyway. (i just thought of God, as usual XDD <3333333333333)

in one year's time, i'll be graduating as well. a few months ago, i thought i had plans, and i thought i knew what i would set out to do, but now everything has changed. but forge on! because i KNOW that everything will only change for the better ^^ faith =D

it's annoyingly late, and i really should go to sleep but i can't. urgh. i just realised how much i'm rambling and how incoherent i'm being. sorry, this is just an act of self indulgence T_T my blog was never meant to be read, it was just a place in cyberspace where i could unload and vent and straighten things out in that weird way of mine, so that i could actually put on some semblance of normality in real life. ah well. at least my blog won't be abandoned for a long time now ^^ =D

just reopened the tab in firefox. dragging it back to it's original position. and then i realise that it's a different colour. sigh. and i close it again. maybe i should keep opening and closing tabs until i get one that's the same colour as the original. i could always set it to that colour, but that would be cheating. what if i never get the same colour again? or what if i eventually forget the original colour? and then again, what if it IS the original colour but i'm remembering an altogether different colour in my mind?

oh i'm being so ridiculous. keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming. i wonder, how do fishes keep afloat when they sleep? (i'm sure i asked this question some time when i was say... 7 or 8, and i do remember receiving a satisfying answer, but i've forgotten it again) or maybe they sink like a rock, and just sleep on the soft, sandy ocean beds ^^ bed? beds? hmmm XD hahahahaha

really, if you're still reading, you should stop. yes, you. stop reading T_T you know i'm talking about you. you have better things to do than to read my blog T_T stop wasting your time! ><" time...

oh how it flies =D yay i still remember leona's joke, "fruit flies like a banana, time flies like an arrow"
and i still have leona's chocolate wrapper XD and i still have all the postcards from the crazy postcard mailing phase of time.

it's REALLY late now. stumbling is such a waste of time T_T you start to fall, then you catch yourself and move on. and then sometimes you actually fall, and then you actually have to bother getting up. so what happens when you fall so much that you're bruised all over and can't get up? or don't want to get up? ><

church tomorrow. last church service before europe! =D europe europe europe europe europe ^^

.hcum os erac t'ndluohs yllaer i

typing backwards is surprisingly fun =D XDD hahaha and it wastes more time as well ^^

but there's english to do, and maths to do, and music to do, and more maths and english to do, and just *stresses and starts panicking* and i don't have holidays to do it T_T i might as well just drop out of school, seriously, seriously.

and even more seriously.
extension maths or extension english?
chem, bio, music 2 + extension, advanced maths and advanced english gives me 11 units.
and i would like to do 12. i think.
extension english would be safer because i'd most probably stuff advanced english. but extension english is so much work and i don't have the flair. and it's more assignments and writing practice essays and the worst thing is that it's subjective.
extension maths would still be a lot of work. and i don't have the flair either. but then it actually relates to advanced maths, and there are no assignments.
OR. i could just do 11 units. HAHAHA. apart from the fact that then i'd stuff up advanced english. and that although i think i'd be safe sitting on 11 units, i'll probably end up stuffing advanced maths as well. bleah.
and then if i do extension maths, i'll stuff up advanced english, whereas if i do extension english, i'd do perfectly well for advanced english, stuff up extension english AND advanced maths. ...

oops i'm rambling again. i should do work at least if i'm deciding that i dont want to sleep. yes? no?

yes. because it's the right thing to do. then again, going to sleep would be the right thing to do.

sigh.

goodnight, sweet dreams, take care, and God bless...