it feels like i'm floating in a place where no one exists, and only the thinnest of threads anchors me to reality... i know i should be doing something, not just wasting time mindlessly reading, stumbling within stories that are so raw but so... real. it's almost frightening how they draw me in, so much that i lose track of time and it seems as if the whole world has stopped spinning and all that's left are these words that tug at the soul, urging me to read, to keep reading, to just keep reading.

*shrug*

maybe i've become morbid under the influence of such words. definitely darker and emo-er than anything i've ever read (then again, i think of a certain book i picked up at the library some time last year during terrible times... "Rnkfohv"XD) but definitely more emotionally charged and almost personally involved and just so much more - for a lack of words - real and resonant to what i feel. ah well. holidays are awesome, really, but sometimes i can't stand them and wish for the routine of school that forces me into a comfortable pattern which works and where i don't constantly question every single thing i say and do.

and i can't stop a half-smile when i recall the high i was on yesterday, and remember that since the very beginning i've jinxed my own moodswings. that's one new year resolution broken already, but i'm not giving up. at least this time i can play your song over and over and over, comforted by music at its purest. i would add it to my playlist, but then it deserves better than that...