now that trials are just a week away i'm kind of freaked out T_T but at the same time they're just a stupid set of exams and there are so many other things that matter, so much more XP

so many other things that actually make me feel better about having to memorise english quotes for 9 texts T_T (and maths formulae, and chem equations for hmm... 5 different industrial processes? and just EVERYTHING in bio. but then bio's interesting ^^)

i need to remember that how i do in exams won't be what defines my memories of school. take a deep breath, and everything will be alright. and laugh at what happened at leaders last tuesday:
i still can't imagine ever having to leave ISCF at ruse T_T me and lil have a pact to go back to school every friday of term 4 2010, at least. and crash tuesday arvos as well, hahahahahahahaha =D

ooh and after exams there's guitar lessons to look forward to ^^ (it's up to you to determine whether i'm joking or being serious) but it is definitely true that last wednesday i went and bought a guitar ^^

you know sometimes i wish i never grew up and stayed as a tiny child forever. life just seems that much brighter and happier and colourful. two biscuits and a playground would be all it took to make me feel like i had everything in the world. =Di want my own playground in a different universe where i can hide away forever from exams T_T bleah.

but i won't run. because my identity is defined in Christ, and my identity defines my purpose in life. thus it is here that i belong, no matter what happens, because only then do i fulfill what God has planned for me. (i wonder if anyone groaned at that. probably not. XP hahahaha. that's a paraphrase of my belonging thesis, actually =D)

i feel so incoherent. not making any sense at all. if only i could rage quit on exams. exams are hebel! meaningless! so i might as well just fail them *cough* but immediately the more rational, logical, mature argument surfaces.

and so at the end of the day, it's back to studying T_T but only because i'm doing it for you. and you. and You. (and yeah. me as well. obviously *cough*. no. if it were only for me i would just fail cause all i want is to get into education, of which ATAR requirement i could meet by failing.)

but You've given this enormous privilege. and so really it is a privilege to study. and it's not all that bad... it's actually interesting. (apart from english, of course). and i just NEED TO REMEMBER THAT. being able to study is a gift, and studying can be, and will be, a happy thing to do. XD