hmm, i wonder if you'll ever read this blog post lil XP
i was really struck by your post on summit blog. (i should really go post there sometime. it's just that it always feels like i have nothing worthwhile to post.)
recently i just feel so stagnant and lukewarm and QT is an afterthought and i'm getting distracted and concerned over all the wrong things.

and this always happens when i'm left to my own devices. but that really shouldn't be the case. i shouldn't be rotting away during the holidays simply because i have nothing to push me in the right direction.

God, am I really seeking you in my life? or is it just a pretense? I don't know. but I want to, I really really want you to be the focus, the priority. I believe in everything that you have done, and will do, and I know that true fulfillment, true happiness, true joy can only be found in You. I'm sorry for straying away so much, for not honouring you and instead seeking to fulfill my own selfish desires. dearest Father, can you please show me the way? help me trust in You, to look to glorify you in everything I do. I pray that you'll give me the courage to stand up for you, to selflessly tell people about you, to share about you. I thank you that it is with your grace that I can type this right now, and I thank you that you have revealed yourself to me and given me so many amazing blessings - and now I'm praying that you'll help me see that my motivation in all that I do is not to receive these blessings, but simply because it is for you, and that in itself is an amazing privilege. =] I pray that I won't fall back, that I'll keep pushing on, seeking to grow under you, that I won't be content with being passive but that God I'll be driven by the passion and energy that comes from you. Thank You, for loving me so unconditionally. I love You - thank you for letting me be able to love You ^^